What helped me to overcome homeschool burnout September 23, 2009

Earlier this year, I was so burnt out chasing my own tail and trying to be the perfect homeschooling parent that I kept falling ill. I hated the pressure of homeschooling “correctly” and just wanted to throw in the towel. My mom was terminally ill and later died, and that, on top of other family crises, finally pushed us to place our daughter in  school for one term.  It was an excruciatingly difficult decision to make, and I kept trying to talk myself out of it – right up to the night before her first day at school. I felt like a massive failure.

While my child was at school, I spent weeks re-thinking our approach to home-education. I had to face my biggest tormentor: my demand for academic excellence.  I realised that I was really running this endless race with invisible competitors, trying to provide the BEST in everything for my child and, of course, it disappointed me when she was less than perfect!  I know, I know…I had the wrong end of the stick!

Finally, I sat down and decided to do a Stephen Covey and start with the end in mind.  Why were we homeschooling anyway?  I re-read my exemption application to remind me.   Then I began to imagine the kind of adult I wanted my daughter to be, and I wrote it all down in my journal.

With that end in mind, I then asked myself what I would need to do during these precious few years of homeschooling, to help her move in the direction of the kind of adult I wanted her to become.  This helped me to focus on what was really important and essential in our home school.  Did she really need to master geometry or do mental sums at the speed of light?  Did she really need to be able to create a perfect taxonomy, or diagram a complex sentence correctly on the first go?  Was it really vital that she complete reading ALL the children’s classics before she turned 15?

NO!  I was making a rod for my own back! Not to mention hers!!! What I really wanted was to raise a kind, responsible child of good character who loved to learn and knew how to find the answers to questions she was curious about.  After all, I reasoned, she had the rest of her life in which to learn whatever it was she wanted to learn! She had the rest of her life to read the classics and to address the Great Questions!

My desire is to give her a good solid foundation. Hodding Carter said, “There are two lasting bequests we can give our children: One is roots, the other is wings.”  That’s what I want to give my child, and it will only be possible if we simplify our approach to homeschooling and bring the joy back.

After engaging in a lot of research and  prayer, I finally decided to adopt the  Moore Formula formulated by the late home education pioneer, Dr. Raymond Moore. (http://www.moorefoundation.com/)  His three-pronged approach consists of  academics, manual or entrepreneurial work, and home and/or  community service.  I like it because it’s simple and outward-looking.  It goes beyond information and knowledge to contribution and service.

Today, my daughter and I are both enjoying our journey of learning together .  In fact, she recently asked if I could homeschool her all the way to university level!  Hmmmm…I don’t know about that!!!   Let’s take it one step at a time, I say… smiling.

There are days when… July 9, 2009

“Technology” just wears me out!!!

Isn’t reading and responding to an ever-increasing barrage of email just adrenalin-spiking???  I consider every day that I am offline a REAL TREAT!  Anyone else feel that way?

Technology, for all its miraculous marvels, makes me want to join the Amish!  A simple life.  That’s what I want!  A simple life with REAL people and NO virtual reality!

When we thought of the Internet as such a blessing, did we ever suspect that the open door to the universe of knowledge would be so addicting/demanding/illimitable/enticing???  It’s like falling down the rabbit hole.  You tumble down down down and then you are lost in a world where you wander round, opening doors that lead to weird and wonderful places, and, before you know it, time has been eaten up and you wake hours later wondering where you were and why it’s now lunchtime when you just had breakfast a little while ago!

It’s like being “lost in (cyber) space”

And more and more, I feel the choice before me is between the Internet and a book!  No wonder the pile of books by my bedside hasn’t diminished!  Okay, time to turn some pages!!!  When I go offline, of course….

Sometimes the unexpected can make your day! June 15, 2009

I watched this gorgeous little clip on You Tube.  It cannot help but make you smile!  :-)  And who would have thought it could happen in prim and proper little Belgium?

See for yourself!  But only watch this if you’re in the mood to be cheered!

Sir Ken Robinson on Creativity June 14, 2009

I have just listened to this marvellous presentation by creativity expert Ken Robinson!  He talks about how we need to cultivate creativity in our children and allow them to make mistakes while they are trying new things.  He also talks about how the current school system undermines creativity and how we need to seriously rethink that because it is creative thinking that will usher our kids into the kind of future that is constantly exploding with newness and discovery!  But enough from me.  Listen to him!

Show me the Mo-net!!! May 13, 2009

Yesterday, while my daughter was having breakfast, I said, “Well, it’s a shame the Monet exhibition at Te Papa Museum will end this weekend.”  Her face fell.  She had been reading about Monet and his work, as well as the work of several other Impressionist artists, like Renoir and Degas.

“Ohhh,” she said slowly and sadly, “I guess we’re not going to see it then…” Her face crumpled.

“Would you have wanted to go?” I asked gently.

“Yes,” came the quiet, disappointed reply.

“Well, you’d better get dressed then, so we can catch our plane to Wellington!”

She stared at me disbelievingly for a loooong time, until I finally said, “SURPRISE!  I’m taking you to the exhibition!  Our flight’s in 2 1/2 hours, so you’d better get dressed!”  And then what a grand hip hip hooraying and hollering filled the room as she jumped up and down like a jackrabbit on steroids.  She yelled!  She screamed!  “We’re going to Wellingtonnnnn.  Praise the Lord!!!”

She couldn’t stop squeezing my arm in glee as we traveled  the short distance to the nation’s capital to view the over 55 Impressionist works on loan to the National Museum of Te Papa by the Museum of Fine Arts in Boston.

As we queued, we were told how lucky we were that the  queue was not long (under an hour’s wait) compared to the weekend queues where people waited for three hours just to get in.

The works on display were worth it.  And it made such a difference that we had studied Monet before going to the exhibit.  We understood so much more about why the Impressionists found it so trying to break into the market and even to get their works exhibited at the snooty Paris Salon.  We learned where the name “Impressionists” came from (It came from a derisive comment by an art critic who gazed on Monet’s painting “Impression: Sunrise” and mocked the fact that the artist and his ilk  painted based on their impressions rather than on accurate depictions of reality.)

We were there for nearly five hours, just soaking in all the beauty.  I came away thinking, Monet really is a Master of colour and light.  He outlived all the other Impressionist artists and lived to the ripe old age of 86.  The body of work he left behind was remarkable for the incredible portrayals of light falling upon landscapes, people, and objects like haystacks; and, for changing the way artists painted landscapes (His waterlilies series contained no earth and sky, contrary to the style of the day).

The two paintings that took my breath away were Charis Cross Bridge in the early morning mist, and  Rouen Cathedral, also in the early morning mist.  Charing Cross Bridge, with the sun-dappled Thames in the foreground, was remarkable in its simplicity. Monet mastered painting the effect of sun falling on the water.  The painting reminded me of a lady, not outwardly beautiful or arresting,  but whose intelligence, kindness, and grace render her captivating to one who looks with the inner eye.

No book I have read has captured the effect of viewing these paintings in person.  If you look at them up close, particularly the painting of  Rouen Cathedral, you see heavy brush work and thick paint.  Ugh!  The cathedral looks hazy and washed out.  I wondered why Monet bothered to include this painting in his collection.  “It does nothing to recommend him,” I thought in my ignorant way.   BUT, an accident of distance showed me something different.  I was viewing another painting on a far side of the gallery when I turned around to look for my daughter and my eyes spied the painting of Rouen Cathedral.  Well!  It took my breath away!  I couldn’t believe how critical I was of it not 20 minutes before!

So here’s the trick!  If  you walk away from the paintings and view them at a distance of at least 14-15 meters, what a ravishing sight awaits you.  You feel like you’re standing on the street in Rouen, looking up at the Cathedral in the early morning light.  The sun is nudging the Cathedral’s tall spires – bright fingers piercing the mist and reaching out to grasp the solemn stonework.

HOW did Monet achieve that amazing effect? Surely he would have painted the canvas up close!  So, how did he achieve the effect of perfectly capturing the Cathedral in the washed out milky morning light as though one were viewing it from a distance?  I kept walking up to the painting trying to figure out how he achieved that remarkable effect.  Of course, not being an artist, I wasn’t struck by any great revelation, but it didn’t stop me moving forward, moving back, moving forward, moving back…which was how I ended up meeting another lady who was doing exactly the same thing for the exact same reason!  We laughed at our shared curiosity!

There is so much more to meditate on regarding Monet’s work and life.  But for now I would say, if you ever have a chance to view his work in person, take advantage of it.  The first time my husband and I got to see Monet’s work was over 10 years ago in Japan, and it was so popular, you could only ever view his work over the heads of hundreds of eager Japanese art lovers.  So flying into Wellington for a day to catch the work of this Master was well-worth it.  No book I’ve seen, not even those of the highest print quality, can capture the startling beauty of Monet’s canvasses.  What a wonderful blessing they were  And what a precious legacy Monet has left for generations of nature lovers to enjoy.  God Bless him!

Books Wonderful Books!!!! May 8, 2009

Man, I’m stoked! Pumped! Fit to burst!   I have just finished two exceedingly good novels and one chilling piece of historical fiction!  Reading three good books in a row is rare for me so I am bouncing off the walls with unconstrained glee!

The Good Mayor by Andrew Nicoll is my first pick, and there is only one way to describe this book: DE-LI-CIOUS!!!  Yummy, Sumptuous, Mouthwatering!!!!  It’s basically a love story, or more accurately, a story of yearning.  The good mayor of Dot, Tibo Krovic, is desperately in love with his secretary of 20+ years, Mrs. Agathe Stopak, a voluptuous siren married to an uncaring, boorish paperhanger.  And dear Agathe, who resembles Velazquez’s Rokeby Venus, is totally oblivious to the longings of her kind boss.  Theirs is a relationship that is perfectly in sync, however.  He can read her mind and she his.  They finish each other’s sentences.

I love stories of falling in love with the unavailable.  Is there something Freudian in that?  Who knows?  But I love it.  The one you love is just out of reach and every day is expectant and full of hope, yet bittersweet and melancholy.  The good mayor is in love but he is honourable and he wants to do the right thing…which puts him in a bit of a pickle!  You laugh as you get a peek into how a man like that deals with his emotions of desire and regret, anger and longing.

The writing is seamless, flawless!!!!  My goodness, if I could only write like THAT!!!  Such a lightness of touch coupled with delectable humour…I laughed out loud and shivered with delight, and several times, at a particularly wonderful passage, I’d stop and hug the book and squiggle because it tasted soooo good!!!!  With place names like Dot, Dash, Umlaut, and Ampersand, how can you NOT want to delve into this charming love story with elements of fantasy and magic?  I want to read it all over again!!!

Book number two is a mystery thriller featuring an Italian count who is a master criminal, a dashingly brave but impoverished art instructor, and a feisty intelligent woman who risks life and limb for her beautiful younger half-sister who is deceived into marriage by a wealthy aristocrat!  It was written in 1860 and was one of the first blockbusters!!!!  One of the first mystery novels and an excellent example of 19th century sensation literature,  it is TA-DAAAAA, The Woman in White by William (Wilkie) Collins.  I’ll let Wikipedia give you the plot:

A poor art master, Walter Hartright, is employed to teach two young women in Cumberland, and falls in love with one of them, Laura. His feelings are returned, but she is already engaged to another. They are parted and she marries, but she and Marian, her resourceful half-sister, are then caught up in her new husband’s plot to steal her fortune and identity. Laura is stripped of her name and money, and almost of her sanity, but is rescued by Marian and protected by the faithful Hartright. He and Marian battle to expose the fraud and reclaim Laura’s identity, fortune and position in society. Throughout the story they encounter a mysterious woman in white, whose own sad story seems entangled with those of Laura and her husband, and who plays a crucial role in the novel’s main events.

This book was so finely written, the story so excellently told, that I could not put it down.  It also made me very tense and nervous.  When Marian perched on the roof of the house, under the pouring rain, trying her very best to be quiet and still, and keep her balance as she eavesdropped on the Count and the evil Baronet hatching plans of wicked intent, I just about screamed when my husband suddenly entered the room!

Book number three is The Heretic’s Daughter by Kathleen Kent. It’s a book about the Salem Witch Trials in 17th century Puritan America.  In it, she relates the story of her ancestor, Martha Carrier, who was  accused of being a witch  by people who were victims of her baldly honest speech and her somewhat scathing tongue, and who were vexed at her refusal to be intimidated, threatened or manipulated.  It’s told from the point of view of Martha’s daughter, Sarah, who was also imprisoned for being the daughter of a witch.

Remarkably, both The Good Mayor and The Heretic’s Daughter are debut novels.  What a wealth of talent!  What a FEAST!!!“>

Homeschooling or School at Home? March 16, 2009

Changed our homeschooling approach again for the umpteenth time!  Am thinking about dabbling in a bit of unschooling.  Ohhh the control-freak in me is getting the shakes!  I can feel it!!!

I read somewhere that it takes two years, on average, for the homeschooling parent to find his/her feet.    We started off with Sonlight and loved the plethora of good-quality living books, but felt tyrannized by the schedule!  After a year of Sonlight, I felt rather more confident and decided to start experimenting with other curricula.  And for that, I spent hours on the Internet researching what other parents thought about the options.  My Old Reliable is http://www.homeschoolreviews.com/.   It’s my favorite site for eavesdropping on other homeschooling parents’ thoughts about their curriculum. I realize it’s different strokes for different folks, but I find it very reassuring to make a decision after hearing both sides of the story.  A few parents might rave over a particular Math curriculum, for example, and others might say their kids hate the repetitiveness of that curriculum.  I read all the reviews and make up my mind.

We’ve been doing things the traditional, and Charlotte Mason way, and have had quite a structured home school.  But when I heard my dear daughter beg to spend an hour more on Science when she had five other subjects to study, and I caught myself saying, “Yes, but make sure you finish all the other subjects on your schedule” only to hear her groan, I realized with dismay that I was replicating school at home.  Ohhh, it’s a ticklish issue getting the balance right.  I want her to learn discipline and perseverance, and I also want her to imbibe a love for learning and creativity that will last a lifetime.

So, once again, we are going to try another approach…one that will allow her to work on the basics everyday but also give her huge chunks of time to pursue her passion for Science and her never-ending list of questions.

At the moment, we have table time from 9 am to 1 pm.  Afternoons are for extra-curricular activities: Sports Club on Monday, Gymnastics on Tuesday, Art and IT on Thursday, and Piano on Friday.  She also gets to work on educational software and typing in the afternoons.   The learning co-op I belong to organizes monthly or semi-monthly classes at the Art Gallery, the Museum, and  Science Alive, and we go to all of them.  If there were more days, we’d do swimming, drama, and Scouts. We also need to find a slot for foreign languages!!!

A Relaxed Homeschool – Dream or Possibility?

Well, our new routine kicks off this week.  The extra-curriculars will stay in place, but during table time, she will have to do Math, Language Arts and English everyday.  For English, she can choose from  grammar, writing, vocabulary or spelling  each day.  After she does what she has to do,  she can then choose what she wants to do for that day.  The menu of yummy options consists of: History, Critical Thinking, Science, Current Events/Social Studies, Music, and Art.  And we have several bookshelves of good quality books and learning resources for all of those subject areas at home, with a public library only five minutes’ walk away.  She won’t lack for good stuff.

When I told Charis (10) that we would experiment with this new way of doing things, her face lit up and her entire body bloomed – big, expansive arm circles swept the air.  Her face glowed!  “Mom!  This is like being told I can stay by myself in a room filled with sesame balls!!!” (her favorite dessert)

It’s a right challenge for me to actually loosen the reins a bit and trust her to follow her instincts when it comes to learning.  But I believe that God hardwired each of us with gifts, talents, and abilities, coupled with curiosity for the field of our greatest contribution.  So, by allowing my daughter the time to pursue her love for Science, I am paving the way for her to excel and later contribute in that field.  I have given her carte blanche to learn as much as she wants.  She’s already told me that she knows what she wants to be when she grows up: a scientist and a writer.  And since she loves the Magic School Bus series, she can see what the possibilities are for writing about Science in a fun way that will make other kids love Science , too.

As we take this nerve-wracking step towards a more relaxed homeschool (shudder, shudder, shake – repeat after me “YES, WE CAN!), two things wiser folk have said to me come to mind:

1) You can’t ensure that there will be no gaps in your child’s learning because there is just way too much to learn!  Even school children have gaps in their learning.  But just because your child isn’t learning what school children are learning doesn’t mean that your child is behind.  Who knows?  There must be heaps your child has learned that a child in school has not!

2) So what if she doesn’t finish reading the Classics before the end of High School?  She can enjoy them the rest of her life!  That’s the beauty of lifelong learning!  She won’t stop learning when you stop homeschooling!

Yes, of course…. silly me.

Okay, let’s have a cuppa.

Choosing Our Benchmarks January 3, 2009

Pulled into the library car park beside this humongous SUV.  It was an open air parking lot with one parking area facing a cement island, another facing the roadside kerb, and a third open area in the middle.  I parked in the middle and decided to align myself with the behemoth beside me.  When I got out to have a look, it turned out that the nose of my car jutted way out beyond the allotted space.  I was more than halfway forward of the allotted park.  The SUV occupied its space perfectly but it was at least a third longer than my car!  Seems my car had ambitions!!!!  I chuckled. The whole episode got me thinking.  “Well, YOU chose the SUV as your benchmark…helloooo!”

Ain’t that just the way it goes?   A size 2 evening gown would look great on Lucy Liu but the mirror won’t even let me DARE entertain THAT ambition!  I’d love to have Oprah’s TV show, magazine, and Angel Network, but that dream won’t suit a home-educating Mom!  Not now anyway…

I need to choose my benchmarks more conscious-ly instead of unquestioningly accepting that MORE and BIGGER are automatically desirable and better.  As in parking, so in life.

Let me aim for a life that suits me, the way God made me, with my unique blend of skills, gifts, talents, and idiosyncrasies!  Everything I’ve read since the year began, from Brendon Burchard to Oprah, to the Word for Today urges me to let this be the year I give myself permission to BE who I am – fully, passionately, joyfully!  No more trying to fit in and be someone universally approved of.  How liberating it would be to just be unashamedly Me!

I think I’ll just sneak into the garage now and whisper to my Toyota Carib that she’s great as she is.  More to the point, she’s great for me.  After all – family of three, two cars, one kid -  who needs a mammoth on wheels?!!

Guinea Pig Galaxy December 14, 2008

Last week, we attended a home school gala day for Canterbury Home Educators and did some great curriculum shopping.  I already felt it was an afternoon well-spent after buying several Horrible Science and Horrible Geography books from a lady named Colleen.  Then, Charis pulled me over to one side and urgently whispered, “The lady we bought the books from is giving away guinea pigs for free.”  I asked her to repeat her message – her voice was so low.  “That lady you bought books from has guinea pigs to give away!  For free!” she emphasized, in case I failed to get the meaning of “to give away”…

Well, as soon as I got down on my haunches to check out the little cage, Colleen drew the gorgeous critters out and we fell in love.  (And so did a dozen other kids who promptly wanted them!  Where’s my defensive line-up when I need them?)

Their names were Coffee Bean and Peanuts.  Coffee Bean is black and tan with a very hip hairstyle (centre-parted and spiky – she can borrow my gel!) and Peanuts is a smooth, delightful ginger, smaller than Coffee Bean and my fave!   After quickly checking with Charis if she was willing to take care of them, (Really, Mom, are we getting them??? squeal!!!), we said we’d take them…which was a sweet victory, considering there was one extremely aggressive teenager who barged in and demanded to have one!

Within the week, Colleen delivered the critters to our home complete with a hole-y cage , some food, and stakes, net, and pegs so the little ones can run around in their own little paddock.  Thing is it’s so makeshift that today, they escaped from the pen and Charis frantically dashed into the house screaming, “They’ve ESCAPED!  Come quickly!”  Well, what a to-do that was!

Iain and I DASHED out of the house to rescue Peanuts, who was standing out in the huge lawn where predatory cats from the neighbourhood like to idly hang out sharpening their claws.  We held our collective breath and prayed she wouldn’t move!  There she stood, still as an explorer quietly observing the landscape of her newfound freedom.

We gingerly surrounded her, and Iain pounced and caught her up, whereupon she proceeded to squeal like a little piggywig.  With relief we exhaled, only to hear Charis scream, OH NO! NOW THE OTHER ONE’S GOT OUT!!!  I turned on my heel and sprinted (as swiftly as a mid-lifer who works out three times a week can sprint  ), trapping Coffee Bean between the devil and the deep blue (read the piece of plywood and the metal tray) and shooed her little bee-hind back into her safe wee paddock.

We felt mighty proud of our successful rescue operation!  Enough excitement for the day!  I think this guinea pig mommy deserves a latte!

My Girl December 5, 2008

I educate my precious little girl at home.  And yesterday, we were fully able to exploit one of the perks of home-schooling, i.e. unrestricted, unlimited, it-doesn’t-matter-how-long-it-takes hugs

Charis, 10, decided that, as a reward for finishing each task, we would hug for as long as she wanted.  (Obviously her love languages are physical touch and quality time.)  Plus, she insisted on climbing atop mom’s lap for a real clinch and she clung to me like there was no tomorrow, rocking back and forth, fully savouring the joy of the moment.  I think, like Thoreau, she is well-versed at sucking the marrow from the bones of life!  Well, as we rocked back and forth enjoying our hug, the chair began to creak like an ancient steamer and I said, “Ohhhh, it sounds like we’re on a boat that’s about to keel over.”  “No,” she replied, “we are orbiting the planet of love…”

This is the girl who, when I return home from gym, rushes to meet me at the door with arms open wide exclaiming with a wide happy smile, “Mom, I’m so glad you’re home.  I missed you!!!”  Even if I’ve only been away for an hour.

One day a few weeks ago, she lovingly removed my shoes, then peeled off my socks, then massaged my feet – all without being asked.  I marvel at the miracle of her love which I feel I haven’t earned, but which I am ever so grateful for.

Out of the blue, she told me, “Mom, I want to be someone God loves as much as David.”

“You want to be a woman after God’s  own heart?” I asked.

“Yup!”

She has even written a Psalm.

Who can deny that children are a blessing???